Still no resolution for her case. SHE is still in the facility and the visits I was supposed to have never happened. So I only have seen her ONCE--back in April--since she went in. We're supposed to be rebuilding our relationship HOW? 40 minutes of phone calls and one 50-minute telephone therapy session a week? 90 monitored minutes to mend years of pain and distrust...
SHE was supposed to come home the beginning of July, so I didn't get to go see her as promised. Then it was pushed back to the 21st. Well, that didn't happened. Nor will the new date they promised (this Friday).
Meanwhile, the court date has been rescheduled to next month because, with all the budget cuts in the county, she no longer has the same PO and the new one hasn't bothered to read her case history OR call me. I heard from the lawyer or I wouldn't have known that much. I expect that, in order to keep the Medicaid coverage, the judge may order her into foster care instead of letting her come home--when they finally bring her back.
Unfortunately, the longer they wait, the more is being undone. SHE gets very upset when she thinks a promise (whether made or not) has been broken. All the delays are busting her hump and she is getting whiny and belligerent again. SHE is also starting to fall back on her old coping habits of demanding crap she knows she can't possibly have as well as pining for the same asshat friends that got her where she is now.
There are other stresses--my job and the changes there, unresolved issues with her father (coming out here WITH his mother and never bothering to let her meet her granddaughter KNOWING WE LIVE RIGHT DOWN THE ROAD from where they were staying? BULLSHIT!) and the crippling ennui I have for doing anything to prepare for the eventual homecoming...
I keep talking an upbeat game to her but no one is doing that for me. :(
27 July 2011
05 May 2011
A longer winter and spring
That evaluation was a long time ago. It was also about the last time SHE was home for any length of time.
SHE showed up at the last minute for the court psychologist, who was not sure what the hell to do with her, so he said to wait for the next court date (a few days later). Well, Ms. Smartass took off the night before that date and went off with Anyway, she called me a scant two hours before court to come get her so she could change clothes and clean up.
SHE was stoned out of her mind and the judge got that right away and put her under house arrest with a tracking device after ordering her to residential care (once a placement could be arranged). That lasted about five days before she invited that turd adult male over to sleep on our patio. This is the same turd who was using her to refer "customers" to him for drugs. He was also supplying them to her. I ordered him off my property and she took off with him--WITH the tracker on! I filed a police report because I was not in the mood to be in a position where I might have to ID a body otherwise. SHE called me again just a few hours before the next court hearing to get her.
Yes, SHE was stoned again when she went before the judge and he remanded her into custody while the treatment was arranged.
I could and will write a book about THAT nightmarish process. It should have taken, at the most, a month for placement but it dragged out for months. Since my insurance was going to be used to pay the majority of the costs, I insisted on a say on where my money would be going. I didn't want her in that pimp academy in Utah (CW), that was for certain. Just about everyone I know who ever had a daughter sent to that place ended up having to retrieve them from a street corner hundreds of miles away--open campus near a major interstate and in a neighborhood not known for its genteel atmosphere, if you get my drift.
I wanted her in a facility in the city where she was born, both to get her as far away from here as possible and to make sure some family would be around for support. I have a pile of emails where that supposedly was going to happen, but then a PO got a case of the ass and bolloxed it up.
October rolled by and she missed Halloween for the first time ever. Into November, the judge making the decision had to go on leave because his wife had a baby and the sub judge refused to make any rulings. Meanwhile, SHE found a way to cut while in jail and ended up in an acute ward for a while. That should have put her on the fast track to the treatment facility. Again, I have the emails where there was even a promise that she would be on the plane to Hometown Facility "within days", but then there were "delays".
Out of the acute ward and back into jail meanwhile... SHE was getting a great education on where she could "bounce", several invitations to join girls and their pimps, a few drug connections, etc. But no psychiatric help. SHE continued to hurt herself, but they kept her in isolation in the cell block when she did that. Finally, the regular judge got back and got pissed because she was still there. He ordered her home to wait just before Christmas, again with the ankle tracker. Why? Because he rightfully believed jail was no place for her; he also believed the bullcrap that the POs were tossing about placement being "any day now".
This last Christmas was the most hellish I think I have ever gone through in years and there were some bad years! SHE was belligerent, threatening, defiant and still sure she was 10 feet tall and bulletproof. I would go to work and she would invite the turd and his buddies over to the house where they would eat all the food, steal my stuff and blatantly help her break more laws. The breaking point was the night I went to a PTA meeting and they came to my house again, bringing drugs with them again. I got home and the assholes were in my driveway bold as brass. I chased them off again and threatened to call the cops.
SHE swore they had just stopped by minutes before, so I wouldn't get her in trouble. Against my better judgement, I let it go. But I did report it to that stupid PO who was supposed to be monitoring her but who never did her damned job.
Next day, I got a call from the school to get there right away, My daughter was freaking out and had gone to a counselor to get help for her "meth addiction". SHE was still on a whatever it is you call a tweaker high and had gotten paranoid. When I got there, there were counselors and nurses and campus cops all taking statements and trying to find her PO (voice mail full AGAIN). SHE was on a crying jag and begging everyone not to get her in trouble, the cops were telling me I better take her to the hospital or have child services on ME, the counselors were getting in my face... I told the cops to call an ambulance because I knew trying to take her in my car would end up badly. We spent the entire rest of the day at the ER while they pumped her full of stuff to flush her system.
Meanwhile, the little beotch was texting her friends that she was planning a "house arrest party" for the next day while I was at work. The hospital released her to me after another psych eval (they couldn't get her in that night or they would have taken her) and a discussion with the PO supervisor. Got to the house--there was some random friend sitting there waiting to have a sleepover. Her mother just dropped her off and left without a question or a way to reach her, so I was stuck.
SHE and her friend claimed they were going to just make cupcakes and "chill". I still had to work the next morning, but I put out the word on her social network accounts that I would take action against anyone showing up for that proposed party. Mid-afternoon, my neighbor called because they were herding her into a squad car. I expected it and tried to warn her, but she insisted on that party. That was the Saturday after New Year's. It was also the last time she has been home.
More acute ward because she was banging her head and arms on walls, more court dates, more lies by the POs, more pissed-off judge who was worried because he didn't want Katie Couric to find out he was not that smart (he's supposed to be some sort of crusader/protector of at-risk girls). It took three weeks to get her placed, but not where I wanted because of all the drama. She ended up at the other end of the same state, though.
I didn't get to see her off because I had to work pretty much non-stop that week and some jerk higher-up decided to make me miserable for trying to take time off to deal with her. I was at the tail end of a 90-hour week when I found out she had already been put on a plane (in the middle of the night, no less) and shipped out. That resulted in me cussing said jerk out, loudly and specifically.
So, SHE has been gone since the end of January and spent her 15th birthday 2000 miles away from here. I got to see her last month for a long weekend. But I do get the dubious privilege of paying all the bills (so no bitching about support money--see below about insurance) because *someone* still has crappy insurance that doesn't cover any of the care. There is some improvement, but she still obsesses over money and even today had a meltdown because she didn't like hearing she couldn't get a job at her age, especially since she would still be on probation when she got out. Her choice of jobs also caused a confrontation because she thinks she could be a DJ at the same rave venues where the people who gave her drugs still hang out.
To be honest, I don't think she is ready to come home and I am not ready for her to come home. I also have healing to do, but just can't get there. Or motivated to deal with the wreck SHE made of the house... Besides, my boss thinks me not having a kid in the house means that I can work pretty much 24/7 for free.
The sad thing is that I love her, but am so scared of the prospect that SHE might possibly be brought back home in just a few weeks (I suspect it would be more because my insurance doesn't want to pay anymore for full residential). I have had a physical break, but I still need to get over the shit I've also had to deal with for the past several years. I think back to that scene in the parking lot of her ballet school a few years back when she melted down and wish I had just taken her to the nearest facility then. Maybe then, I wouldn't be afraid of her to be around me without backup.
SHE showed up at the last minute for the court psychologist, who was not sure what the hell to do with her, so he said to wait for the next court date (a few days later). Well, Ms. Smartass took off the night before that date and went off with Anyway, she called me a scant two hours before court to come get her so she could change clothes and clean up.
SHE was stoned out of her mind and the judge got that right away and put her under house arrest with a tracking device after ordering her to residential care (once a placement could be arranged). That lasted about five days before she invited that turd adult male over to sleep on our patio. This is the same turd who was using her to refer "customers" to him for drugs. He was also supplying them to her. I ordered him off my property and she took off with him--WITH the tracker on! I filed a police report because I was not in the mood to be in a position where I might have to ID a body otherwise. SHE called me again just a few hours before the next court hearing to get her.
Yes, SHE was stoned again when she went before the judge and he remanded her into custody while the treatment was arranged.
I could and will write a book about THAT nightmarish process. It should have taken, at the most, a month for placement but it dragged out for months. Since my insurance was going to be used to pay the majority of the costs, I insisted on a say on where my money would be going. I didn't want her in that pimp academy in Utah (CW), that was for certain. Just about everyone I know who ever had a daughter sent to that place ended up having to retrieve them from a street corner hundreds of miles away--open campus near a major interstate and in a neighborhood not known for its genteel atmosphere, if you get my drift.
I wanted her in a facility in the city where she was born, both to get her as far away from here as possible and to make sure some family would be around for support. I have a pile of emails where that supposedly was going to happen, but then a PO got a case of the ass and bolloxed it up.
October rolled by and she missed Halloween for the first time ever. Into November, the judge making the decision had to go on leave because his wife had a baby and the sub judge refused to make any rulings. Meanwhile, SHE found a way to cut while in jail and ended up in an acute ward for a while. That should have put her on the fast track to the treatment facility. Again, I have the emails where there was even a promise that she would be on the plane to Hometown Facility "within days", but then there were "delays".
Out of the acute ward and back into jail meanwhile... SHE was getting a great education on where she could "bounce", several invitations to join girls and their pimps, a few drug connections, etc. But no psychiatric help. SHE continued to hurt herself, but they kept her in isolation in the cell block when she did that. Finally, the regular judge got back and got pissed because she was still there. He ordered her home to wait just before Christmas, again with the ankle tracker. Why? Because he rightfully believed jail was no place for her; he also believed the bullcrap that the POs were tossing about placement being "any day now".
This last Christmas was the most hellish I think I have ever gone through in years and there were some bad years! SHE was belligerent, threatening, defiant and still sure she was 10 feet tall and bulletproof. I would go to work and she would invite the turd and his buddies over to the house where they would eat all the food, steal my stuff and blatantly help her break more laws. The breaking point was the night I went to a PTA meeting and they came to my house again, bringing drugs with them again. I got home and the assholes were in my driveway bold as brass. I chased them off again and threatened to call the cops.
SHE swore they had just stopped by minutes before, so I wouldn't get her in trouble. Against my better judgement, I let it go. But I did report it to that stupid PO who was supposed to be monitoring her but who never did her damned job.
Next day, I got a call from the school to get there right away, My daughter was freaking out and had gone to a counselor to get help for her "meth addiction". SHE was still on a whatever it is you call a tweaker high and had gotten paranoid. When I got there, there were counselors and nurses and campus cops all taking statements and trying to find her PO (voice mail full AGAIN). SHE was on a crying jag and begging everyone not to get her in trouble, the cops were telling me I better take her to the hospital or have child services on ME, the counselors were getting in my face... I told the cops to call an ambulance because I knew trying to take her in my car would end up badly. We spent the entire rest of the day at the ER while they pumped her full of stuff to flush her system.
Meanwhile, the little beotch was texting her friends that she was planning a "house arrest party" for the next day while I was at work. The hospital released her to me after another psych eval (they couldn't get her in that night or they would have taken her) and a discussion with the PO supervisor. Got to the house--there was some random friend sitting there waiting to have a sleepover. Her mother just dropped her off and left without a question or a way to reach her, so I was stuck.
SHE and her friend claimed they were going to just make cupcakes and "chill". I still had to work the next morning, but I put out the word on her social network accounts that I would take action against anyone showing up for that proposed party. Mid-afternoon, my neighbor called because they were herding her into a squad car. I expected it and tried to warn her, but she insisted on that party. That was the Saturday after New Year's. It was also the last time she has been home.
More acute ward because she was banging her head and arms on walls, more court dates, more lies by the POs, more pissed-off judge who was worried because he didn't want Katie Couric to find out he was not that smart (he's supposed to be some sort of crusader/protector of at-risk girls). It took three weeks to get her placed, but not where I wanted because of all the drama. She ended up at the other end of the same state, though.
I didn't get to see her off because I had to work pretty much non-stop that week and some jerk higher-up decided to make me miserable for trying to take time off to deal with her. I was at the tail end of a 90-hour week when I found out she had already been put on a plane (in the middle of the night, no less) and shipped out. That resulted in me cussing said jerk out, loudly and specifically.
So, SHE has been gone since the end of January and spent her 15th birthday 2000 miles away from here. I got to see her last month for a long weekend. But I do get the dubious privilege of paying all the bills (so no bitching about support money--see below about insurance) because *someone* still has crappy insurance that doesn't cover any of the care. There is some improvement, but she still obsesses over money and even today had a meltdown because she didn't like hearing she couldn't get a job at her age, especially since she would still be on probation when she got out. Her choice of jobs also caused a confrontation because she thinks she could be a DJ at the same rave venues where the people who gave her drugs still hang out.
To be honest, I don't think she is ready to come home and I am not ready for her to come home. I also have healing to do, but just can't get there. Or motivated to deal with the wreck SHE made of the house... Besides, my boss thinks me not having a kid in the house means that I can work pretty much 24/7 for free.
The sad thing is that I love her, but am so scared of the prospect that SHE might possibly be brought back home in just a few weeks (I suspect it would be more because my insurance doesn't want to pay anymore for full residential). I have had a physical break, but I still need to get over the shit I've also had to deal with for the past several years. I think back to that scene in the parking lot of her ballet school a few years back when she melted down and wish I had just taken her to the nearest facility then. Maybe then, I wouldn't be afraid of her to be around me without backup.
02 October 2010
Almost forgot
Last night, we were stuck for hours doing the first court-mandated evaluation at a local psych hospital. It was pretty bad for HER (and so for me). SHE was in a seriously manic phase and was talking 200/mph. It was like a stream of consciousness thing where SHE skipped from topic to topic and never shut up. I swear it seems like SHE never took a breath. Even in the waiting room, it was non-stop.
When we finally got in with the evaluator, SHE still kept talking. In fact, the inability to be still actually made the evaluation take longer because the person doing it had to keep telling HER to be quiet, stay on topic and stop interrupting while we were trying to get through the Q & A. Questions had to be repeated four or five times over HER constant chatter and it dragged the process out by double the time.
Of course, the verbal diarrhea was sometimes revealing. I heard some things I didn't need to hear. I also heard HER say SHE really did love me and that SHE wanted whatever it took to get better. This was the place where they wanted HER to just do the partial-patient care and not a full residential course of treatment. They were sure eager to get my insurance information, that's for sure. All I can say is that, if they bill for that eval (which is supposed to be free and covered by the courts), I am going to complain to the BBB and the AMA. SHE wants the residential care and I think it would be good because it would help stabilize HER and perhaps re-instill the good habits SHE once had.
I also believe it will do both of us good to have HER in a safe place where there is 24/7 monitoring. On HER own, she disappears--dodging school, treatment and even HER meds. Someone ELSE requiring SHE follow a schedule, making HER adhere to REAL hygiene standards, getting rid of the fake hair and junk, and insisting upon daily attendance in group and individual treat sessions in a CONTROLLED environment is what both SHE and I think will be for the best. I have been doing the "jailer" thing for so long, SHE resents me too much to listen to me.
In addition, two sets of rules in a day will make it too confusing for HER until SHE is stable with her meds. I still think the meds are the first thing to deal with because changing them every couple of months without daily monitoring is a waste. If something is wrong or they don't work, it means waiting to get in and dealing with the bad side effects. At least, inpatient care, they can observe, react and adjust immediately. At home, I clean up broken glass and deal with the verbal and physical abuse.
...Like the call I got just now to supply food for HER and the people SHE told me SHE was going to send the night with--knowing there is that mandatory session tomorrow with the court psychologist. SHE has called five times in the last ten minutes demanding I bring her stuff NOW or else.While I welcome the potential for a few hours' peace and quiet, this is not going to last. I will get calls non-stop for the rest of the day, demanding one thing or another. All this will be for asshats who take advantage of HER mental illness and HER abuse of me!
When we finally got in with the evaluator, SHE still kept talking. In fact, the inability to be still actually made the evaluation take longer because the person doing it had to keep telling HER to be quiet, stay on topic and stop interrupting while we were trying to get through the Q & A. Questions had to be repeated four or five times over HER constant chatter and it dragged the process out by double the time.
Of course, the verbal diarrhea was sometimes revealing. I heard some things I didn't need to hear. I also heard HER say SHE really did love me and that SHE wanted whatever it took to get better. This was the place where they wanted HER to just do the partial-patient care and not a full residential course of treatment. They were sure eager to get my insurance information, that's for sure. All I can say is that, if they bill for that eval (which is supposed to be free and covered by the courts), I am going to complain to the BBB and the AMA. SHE wants the residential care and I think it would be good because it would help stabilize HER and perhaps re-instill the good habits SHE once had.
I also believe it will do both of us good to have HER in a safe place where there is 24/7 monitoring. On HER own, she disappears--dodging school, treatment and even HER meds. Someone ELSE requiring SHE follow a schedule, making HER adhere to REAL hygiene standards, getting rid of the fake hair and junk, and insisting upon daily attendance in group and individual treat sessions in a CONTROLLED environment is what both SHE and I think will be for the best. I have been doing the "jailer" thing for so long, SHE resents me too much to listen to me.
In addition, two sets of rules in a day will make it too confusing for HER until SHE is stable with her meds. I still think the meds are the first thing to deal with because changing them every couple of months without daily monitoring is a waste. If something is wrong or they don't work, it means waiting to get in and dealing with the bad side effects. At least, inpatient care, they can observe, react and adjust immediately. At home, I clean up broken glass and deal with the verbal and physical abuse.
...Like the call I got just now to supply food for HER and the people SHE told me SHE was going to send the night with--knowing there is that mandatory session tomorrow with the court psychologist. SHE has called five times in the last ten minutes demanding I bring her stuff NOW or else.While I welcome the potential for a few hours' peace and quiet, this is not going to last. I will get calls non-stop for the rest of the day, demanding one thing or another. All this will be for asshats who take advantage of HER mental illness and HER abuse of me!
It's been a long, horrible summer
SHE gets no better. This summer was a never-ending round of trying to figure out where she was, who she was with, what kind of drugs were getting passed around...
Oh, and THREE more assaults on me. I have permanent nerve damage in my right upper arm, bad shin splints where SHE kicked me, a permanently blackened left eye (the bruise will not go away and I look like a damned raccoon), whiplash and a lot less hair.
House damage--busted out window, kicked-in siding, phones stomped through, nasty graffiti in day-glo all along the side of the house (luckily not visible from the street), kicked-in doors with busted jambs and all the other assorted things busted when SHE gets angry.
SHE has also kicked dents into the side of my car, busted the internal passenger handle and ruined the upholstery on the passenger side front seat.
Monetarily--I have ZERO money in the bank. Nothing in my regular account, nothing in savings and nothing elsewhere. Due to some money not arriving when it should have, I had to take an advance on my salary which I have to pay back with interest, so there will be nothing left from the next pay check.
Meanwhile, SHE still just takes whatever SHE decides to. Be it money, clothing, food, or whatever, SHE has it in HER mind that it MUST be HERS because SHE wants it. Telling HER no or to wait results in violence.
The last assault had to do with telling HER to wait till the next morning for $8. Well, SHE didn't want to wait and started tearing up the house looking to see if I had any money hidden from HER (after all, on HER planet, ALL money must be given to HER or else). When I told HER to stop because there was nothing hidden (I stopped carrying any cash a long time ago because it disappears), SHE started screaming that I was a liar and I had better give HER that money "right now!" or SHE was going to get it HER way. HER way is to jump on me and start beating on me.
SHE likes to wear spiky high heels and decided to kick me with them multiple times on my legs and knees, once also catching my ribs. SHE then grabbed my hair in both fists and started jerking my head back and forth, twisting and pulling until I almost blacked out. I tried to grab HER to make it stop and that made it worse. When I tried to grab a phone, SHE snatched it and ran away (as I found out later, to stomp a hole in the middle of the key pad). That gave me just enough time to text my friend across the street to call the cops. Actually, I only got "call cop" out before SHE came back at me again. When I finally got in a defensive blow, SHE started slamming me against the desk, floor and bookcase again. My friend meanwhile did call the cops and she came over with her son to try to get in. Friend banged on the windows because she heard me screaming as that BEAST yanked out another clump of my hair. It distracted HER enough to let me get away and out the door where the cops were already waiting.
Luckily, it was the same guys who arrested HER the last two times and they were not buying HER "my mom tried to choke me" routine. They could see there was not a mark on HER while I was tore up and bleeding from where my hair had been yanked out. SHE kept screaming at me that SHE wanted me to die and lunged at me till the one cop cuffed her and dared her to move again.
My friend did a statement, they took pictures of the latest damage and took HER in for the usual 12 hours in holding. This was despite my specifically requesting a psych hold on HER. By law, they should have taken HER in for at least 72 hours and given HER a full examination/evaluation. They refused because SHE was not suicidal. OK, but the law also says they should take a person in if they present a danger to themselves OR others in a homicidal manner if they have a history of mental illness. Gee, trying to kill one's parent seems homicidal to me. It's my understanding cops do their best NOT to take a person in on the hold because they hate doing the paperwork. So, 12 hours later, I had to go get HER or be arrested for child abandonment. Really!!! I don't want a potential killer in my house, but I could go to jail for NOT wanting it.
This time, with the previous charges on record, it means more than informal "time served". SHE has to go to official court, file a plea and get a real sentence with a record. Since SHE is trying to get a PT job, SHE screwed THAT up. Modeling is out for a while because SHE cut all HER hair off again and pasted more fugly weave tracks all over HER head. SHE also let HER dumbass friend attempt to pierce HER lips again. Luckily, Juvie Intake made HER take them out and the holes closed. But there ARE small scars because dumbass friend did the piercing really badly.
The sad thing is that SHE really is a beautiful girl, but SHE keeps doing stupid things to destroy HER looks. HER summer hobby was to cut, too, so there are scars on HER legs that I don't think will ever quite go away. Months later, there are still visible traces all the way down HER thighs. HER arms and legs are covered with bruises all the time because SHE won't eat decent food. I am sick of people thinking I had something to do with HER condition because SHE always looks like a street person on meth (which SHE proudly boasted to me that SHE has tried). I can't make HER take pride in HERSELF. That is a choice SHE had to make for HERSELF. So far, SHE is convinced looking and behaving like SHE is queen of the dumpster set is acceptable and nothing anyone can tell HER will change her mind--especially since the equally damaged trash SHE hangs out with look and act just as bad, telling HER that SHE is "helluh gorgeous" and "perfect" as SHE is now--violent and not suitable for public viewing.
There really is a need for some sort of intervention, but... Depending on which of the several mental health professionals who have already dealt with HER, the recommendations are all over the place. Two want HER in residential care for a while, one wants to send HER away to boot camp or something, one recommends intensive partial care (they pick HER up, take HER to have treatment all day, then bring HER back home every night and all weekend), and two others say to just dump HER on the system and walk away.
Well, the first court appearance is Monday. They will do the first assessment, send HER to the PD for possible plea deals, and set another court date. That means I have to pray I won't get attacked again for however long before the next court date. I really hope the judge orders residential while waiting for all the testing.
At least the school finally has documentation from HER primary providers that HER conditions can affect attendance because right now SHE is considered a truant. Yep, more legal drama for ME because SHE just doesn't have the brain "chips" that warn HER that SHE is delving in danger.
The upshot is that I am the one missing work, having to pay the fines, drive HER to all the PO meetings (and soon, community service) and having to constantly explain why I am never where I am supposed to be.
Oh, and THREE more assaults on me. I have permanent nerve damage in my right upper arm, bad shin splints where SHE kicked me, a permanently blackened left eye (the bruise will not go away and I look like a damned raccoon), whiplash and a lot less hair.
House damage--busted out window, kicked-in siding, phones stomped through, nasty graffiti in day-glo all along the side of the house (luckily not visible from the street), kicked-in doors with busted jambs and all the other assorted things busted when SHE gets angry.
SHE has also kicked dents into the side of my car, busted the internal passenger handle and ruined the upholstery on the passenger side front seat.
Monetarily--I have ZERO money in the bank. Nothing in my regular account, nothing in savings and nothing elsewhere. Due to some money not arriving when it should have, I had to take an advance on my salary which I have to pay back with interest, so there will be nothing left from the next pay check.
Meanwhile, SHE still just takes whatever SHE decides to. Be it money, clothing, food, or whatever, SHE has it in HER mind that it MUST be HERS because SHE wants it. Telling HER no or to wait results in violence.
The last assault had to do with telling HER to wait till the next morning for $8. Well, SHE didn't want to wait and started tearing up the house looking to see if I had any money hidden from HER (after all, on HER planet, ALL money must be given to HER or else). When I told HER to stop because there was nothing hidden (I stopped carrying any cash a long time ago because it disappears), SHE started screaming that I was a liar and I had better give HER that money "right now!" or SHE was going to get it HER way. HER way is to jump on me and start beating on me.
SHE likes to wear spiky high heels and decided to kick me with them multiple times on my legs and knees, once also catching my ribs. SHE then grabbed my hair in both fists and started jerking my head back and forth, twisting and pulling until I almost blacked out. I tried to grab HER to make it stop and that made it worse. When I tried to grab a phone, SHE snatched it and ran away (as I found out later, to stomp a hole in the middle of the key pad). That gave me just enough time to text my friend across the street to call the cops. Actually, I only got "call cop" out before SHE came back at me again. When I finally got in a defensive blow, SHE started slamming me against the desk, floor and bookcase again. My friend meanwhile did call the cops and she came over with her son to try to get in. Friend banged on the windows because she heard me screaming as that BEAST yanked out another clump of my hair. It distracted HER enough to let me get away and out the door where the cops were already waiting.
Luckily, it was the same guys who arrested HER the last two times and they were not buying HER "my mom tried to choke me" routine. They could see there was not a mark on HER while I was tore up and bleeding from where my hair had been yanked out. SHE kept screaming at me that SHE wanted me to die and lunged at me till the one cop cuffed her and dared her to move again.
My friend did a statement, they took pictures of the latest damage and took HER in for the usual 12 hours in holding. This was despite my specifically requesting a psych hold on HER. By law, they should have taken HER in for at least 72 hours and given HER a full examination/evaluation. They refused because SHE was not suicidal. OK, but the law also says they should take a person in if they present a danger to themselves OR others in a homicidal manner if they have a history of mental illness. Gee, trying to kill one's parent seems homicidal to me. It's my understanding cops do their best NOT to take a person in on the hold because they hate doing the paperwork. So, 12 hours later, I had to go get HER or be arrested for child abandonment. Really!!! I don't want a potential killer in my house, but I could go to jail for NOT wanting it.
This time, with the previous charges on record, it means more than informal "time served". SHE has to go to official court, file a plea and get a real sentence with a record. Since SHE is trying to get a PT job, SHE screwed THAT up. Modeling is out for a while because SHE cut all HER hair off again and pasted more fugly weave tracks all over HER head. SHE also let HER dumbass friend attempt to pierce HER lips again. Luckily, Juvie Intake made HER take them out and the holes closed. But there ARE small scars because dumbass friend did the piercing really badly.
The sad thing is that SHE really is a beautiful girl, but SHE keeps doing stupid things to destroy HER looks. HER summer hobby was to cut, too, so there are scars on HER legs that I don't think will ever quite go away. Months later, there are still visible traces all the way down HER thighs. HER arms and legs are covered with bruises all the time because SHE won't eat decent food. I am sick of people thinking I had something to do with HER condition because SHE always looks like a street person on meth (which SHE proudly boasted to me that SHE has tried). I can't make HER take pride in HERSELF. That is a choice SHE had to make for HERSELF. So far, SHE is convinced looking and behaving like SHE is queen of the dumpster set is acceptable and nothing anyone can tell HER will change her mind--especially since the equally damaged trash SHE hangs out with look and act just as bad, telling HER that SHE is "helluh gorgeous" and "perfect" as SHE is now--violent and not suitable for public viewing.
There really is a need for some sort of intervention, but... Depending on which of the several mental health professionals who have already dealt with HER, the recommendations are all over the place. Two want HER in residential care for a while, one wants to send HER away to boot camp or something, one recommends intensive partial care (they pick HER up, take HER to have treatment all day, then bring HER back home every night and all weekend), and two others say to just dump HER on the system and walk away.
Well, the first court appearance is Monday. They will do the first assessment, send HER to the PD for possible plea deals, and set another court date. That means I have to pray I won't get attacked again for however long before the next court date. I really hope the judge orders residential while waiting for all the testing.
At least the school finally has documentation from HER primary providers that HER conditions can affect attendance because right now SHE is considered a truant. Yep, more legal drama for ME because SHE just doesn't have the brain "chips" that warn HER that SHE is delving in danger.
The upshot is that I am the one missing work, having to pay the fines, drive HER to all the PO meetings (and soon, community service) and having to constantly explain why I am never where I am supposed to be.
13 July 2010
Too exhausted to care
The last four months have been nothing but more of the same.
She has lost the wigs finally, but is still dying her hair non-stop so the damage she had last year is back with the new growth.
She flunked 8th grade and actually THREW the CRTs on purpose because she was "bored" and didn't want to take the tests. Despite that, she is going to be transferred to the high school program. WTF is with that? The schools are closed in July so I can't even call for details.
Still abusive, still obscene, still destroying everything in sight when she doesn't get her way... The latest target when she get angry is the refrigerator--she has ripped some of the rails out of the doors. She also randomly destroys art work she's created for me in the past.
She keeps inviting strangers to our house (also trashed by her to an almost unlivable condition) after as little as five minutes' contact at the mall. These people consume a week's worth of food in a few hours, trash my yard with empty soda cans, cigarette butts and other trash. They also bring drugs to my house.
You see, she has been introduced to Ecstacy. Despite the very real problem with a possible interaction with her medications, she insists that it is OK because some raver blog said it was fine. To make it worse, if I give her spending money for other things and she uses it for drugs, she tells people I paid for it!!!
That is what she tells people about the ugly-ass "angel bite" piercings she decided to get illegally (a friend who does piercings for a living did them without my written consent or presence). The convoluted reasoning is that, since I gave her some money for the mall, I specifically paid for her to get holes in her lip. Now one is infected and I cannot get a doctor's appointment to get a broken post out of one hole that closed up on her. It will end up needed a surgeon to remove it, so more money I don't have. But, you see, it is MY fault because I "paid for" it.
Yes, she still physically attacks me and then again says it is my fault because I "made [her] mad". Seriously! Even her anger is someone else's fault. There is NO personal responsibility in that twisted mind of hers.
I talked to an intake person at the local inpatient care facility and she said I need to lock this child up immediately. I fired her original psychiatrist and the first appointment with the new one is today. I am waiting to see what she says, but telling me to keep positive had better NOT be all. Meds need to be changed--the inpatient center lady was really pissed to hear that the ONE medication she takes is it. According to her, there should be a cocktail of that medication PLUS at least one other for it to be truly effective.
So the child has been UNDER-MEDICATED for an entire year. I told her previous shrink what she was on was not enough. He was such an asshat! Instead of concentrating on the conditions, he was jumping on the girl for her clothes (sometimes VERY bizarre) and telling me I should lock her up or send her to some sort of boot camp. In any case, he didn't want to treat her any more--just write her prescriptions for the current meds. He apparently has a bad reputation because, when I mentioned his name to the intake person, she rolled her eyes and suggested finding someone else fast.
Meanwhile, I exist on less than five hours of sleep a night. I am tired all the time, stressed because I am scared of what she does when I am asleep (like inviting people into the house at 3 AM), having work issues because of the outside problems. I am on the brink of bankruptcy because she gets into the money (you don't want to know how many times I have changed PINs and passwords. I lost a transfer offered to me specifically on the side because they know how much I need to get her out of this toxic city, again due to the problems she causes.
Will I end up committing her for a while? Probably. That will definitely put me into bankruptcy, but she needs the help I can no longer give her.
She has lost the wigs finally, but is still dying her hair non-stop so the damage she had last year is back with the new growth.
She flunked 8th grade and actually THREW the CRTs on purpose because she was "bored" and didn't want to take the tests. Despite that, she is going to be transferred to the high school program. WTF is with that? The schools are closed in July so I can't even call for details.
Still abusive, still obscene, still destroying everything in sight when she doesn't get her way... The latest target when she get angry is the refrigerator--she has ripped some of the rails out of the doors. She also randomly destroys art work she's created for me in the past.
She keeps inviting strangers to our house (also trashed by her to an almost unlivable condition) after as little as five minutes' contact at the mall. These people consume a week's worth of food in a few hours, trash my yard with empty soda cans, cigarette butts and other trash. They also bring drugs to my house.
You see, she has been introduced to Ecstacy. Despite the very real problem with a possible interaction with her medications, she insists that it is OK because some raver blog said it was fine. To make it worse, if I give her spending money for other things and she uses it for drugs, she tells people I paid for it!!!
That is what she tells people about the ugly-ass "angel bite" piercings she decided to get illegally (a friend who does piercings for a living did them without my written consent or presence). The convoluted reasoning is that, since I gave her some money for the mall, I specifically paid for her to get holes in her lip. Now one is infected and I cannot get a doctor's appointment to get a broken post out of one hole that closed up on her. It will end up needed a surgeon to remove it, so more money I don't have. But, you see, it is MY fault because I "paid for" it.
Yes, she still physically attacks me and then again says it is my fault because I "made [her] mad". Seriously! Even her anger is someone else's fault. There is NO personal responsibility in that twisted mind of hers.
I talked to an intake person at the local inpatient care facility and she said I need to lock this child up immediately. I fired her original psychiatrist and the first appointment with the new one is today. I am waiting to see what she says, but telling me to keep positive had better NOT be all. Meds need to be changed--the inpatient center lady was really pissed to hear that the ONE medication she takes is it. According to her, there should be a cocktail of that medication PLUS at least one other for it to be truly effective.
So the child has been UNDER-MEDICATED for an entire year. I told her previous shrink what she was on was not enough. He was such an asshat! Instead of concentrating on the conditions, he was jumping on the girl for her clothes (sometimes VERY bizarre) and telling me I should lock her up or send her to some sort of boot camp. In any case, he didn't want to treat her any more--just write her prescriptions for the current meds. He apparently has a bad reputation because, when I mentioned his name to the intake person, she rolled her eyes and suggested finding someone else fast.
Meanwhile, I exist on less than five hours of sleep a night. I am tired all the time, stressed because I am scared of what she does when I am asleep (like inviting people into the house at 3 AM), having work issues because of the outside problems. I am on the brink of bankruptcy because she gets into the money (you don't want to know how many times I have changed PINs and passwords. I lost a transfer offered to me specifically on the side because they know how much I need to get her out of this toxic city, again due to the problems she causes.
Will I end up committing her for a while? Probably. That will definitely put me into bankruptcy, but she needs the help I can no longer give her.
08 March 2010
It has come to this
She spent the night in jail last night. The charge was domestic battery after she attacked me for not taking her to Walgreen's to buy something that she didn't need and could have waited for.
It was another weekend of her wandering off at random. First she took off with BFF's family to go watch a cheerleading competition. After that, she went to the teen center on base to hang out with friends. Those two things caused her to miss a therapy appointment. Not good.
You would think a military base would be safe for her, right? Nope! She and her friends promptly left the teen center and were wandering around in the dark after curfew. When I finally tracked her down, she TOLD me she was spending the night with said friends and refused to get in the car. I finally just left her there and told them all they needed to go straight home or the military police would be picking them up.
Next morning, when I went to get her, she asked to go to the mall with those friends because her favorite store was closing and they were selling everything for 25¢ apiece. I only said OK because she swore her friends had their own money. Yeah, right... Both girls' fathers are MSGTs in the AF making close to $5000 or more a month and neither seemed to have their own money. Again, guess who got stuck paying to feed them? As the day wore on, she was transitioning from the Krissy part to the Danya part of herself. And Danya was being a real bitch. At one point she demanded, in the middle of the Food Court, that I hand over my debit card so she could go shopping. REALLY?!?! It was obvious her friends were visibly embarrassed to be near her at that point.
When we finally left the mall to drop her friends off, one girl asked the other about going to church. Danya demanded to go, too. I gently tried to deter her from pushing the issue by hinting to the girl that she needed to tell Danya it was a special thing for military kids only or something. Finally, the girl got the hint and said that she didn't think they were going because her dad had said her mom wasn't feeling good and didn't want to go. Bullet dodged!
But wait! Danya, not to be deterred, texted one of her hoodlum friends to come over in the pouring rain with a promise that I would take her home. I ended up feeding this one, too. What angered me was that they went into the kitchen, opened two packs of Ramen noodles, then left them open on the counter and opened up two cans of ravioli. Never even bothered to put the noodles in a baggie or anything! It took forever to get the hoodlum out of my house to take home and that one had the nerve to tell her mother she was late because I "made [them] wait while I watched something on the Oscars". I almost turned and slapped her, but chewed her out where her mother could hear me because I had been telling them for over half an hour to get moving. Danya's fault, because she tells people to just ignore me because I don't really mean it and I'm just trying to get rid of them.
Anyway, got Hoodlum Girl home and then Danya started demanding I take her to Walgreen's to buy her a bunch of stuff. Considering that I had already informed her and her internal buddies that the ATM was closed for the duration, I was pissed. I had already chewed her out about the money that she thinks I should spend on her friends because they are "poor"--like we aren't? We just get by with the utility increases, premium increases, gas and food increases and I cannot afford to subsidize the entire neighborhood. Yet not a day goes by that she is handing out our stuff like I'm Bill Gates' secret mistress and have access to his bank account (and we know that ain't true--Melissa Gates would have killed me long before now).
Now, every time Danya hears me tell her there isn't any more money for crap spending, she starts calling me a liar and tries to get at my purse. She tried this time, too, so I slapped her on her arm. She punched me back. I told her to get out of the car, but then changed my mind because I didn't feel like going to jail for dumping her in the rain. She got meaner and meaner, slapping at me and calling me names. It was at that point, I think the Beast took over.
By the time we got home, the Beast was in "control", biting, kicking and hitting at me as I tried to get her into the house. She was doing her damnedest to push me off the porch, kicking me in the knees, which are already in bad shape due to a work injury. I managed to get her into the laundry room, but then she started kicking and punching more. I tried to fight back, but she knocked me backwards into a bookcase and then jumped me. At that point, I did what the doctor told me to do in cases like this and called 911 so they would take her in to the psych ward for evaluation. Bad advice!
When the cops got there, she had locked the deadbolts and wouldn't open the door. By then, I had a huge knot on my head and was pretty woozy. The cops got her to open the door and walked through our pigsty of a house (The Beast has trashed it like you would not believe). After interviewing both of us, one of the officers marched her out the door, patted her down and cuffed her. Now, all this time, I had been asking them to do what my doctor told me to ask them but the one cop said they had to take her to Juvie because she assaulted me. That is NOT what I was told would happen. I just wanted her taken in for evaluation, not to be arrested. Meanwhile, despite my repeated warnings, the damned cops left the door open and the cat that got out before got out again. Only this time, we can't find him.
Anyway, she was booked, spent the night in jail (luckily, I was able to make sure they put her in a single cell instead of in the dorm because of her illness) and the case was adjudicated as "time served". When I picked her up, she was sullen and again promised to never love me again. Like she has ever loved anyone other than herself... So instead of the evaluation demanded and that should have been provided by law, she now has a record and a bigger internal problem than before.
The "system" told me to put her in the hospital myself. That would be nice, except that even with two insurances that are supposed to cover 100%, the secondary one from Mississippi (BCBS) refuses to even cover the co-pays billed after the primary pays its share. I can't get the secondary to talk to me because the policy is not in my name.
And here I am... I have a nutjob to deal with, insurance that may as well not exist (but that WILL be fixed, even if it means a return to court), a concussion and a jaw that feels as if it has been slammed by a tire iron (I had to waste a perfectly good sick day on actually being sick). Danya and the Beast have retreated to their dark corners of her mind and Krissy seems to be in the house for now. Hopefully, tonight will be peaceful (relatively speaking). I doubt it, though. She invited more strays over to hang out. One went home already, but the other is still here.
The way stuff disappears around here when her "friends" are around, I'll have to count the silverware again.
Picture from Rick Albertson's blog: http://compellingvisualstories.blogspot.com/2006/04/angel-behind-bars-antiqua-guatemala.html
26 February 2010
Too exhausted, but still...
Nothing has changed but the date on the calendar. I am sitting here waiting for her to get home from going to church with (to me) complete strangers. I have issues with that because:
1) I don't know the people she went with. She took off with them before I got home from work. I gather there is a girl she was friends with from her previous school. So what? I've not met the girl or her family.
2) She was supposed to be home almost an hour ago. Of course, they are late and I am sure she is telling them that I am being stupid over her "being one second late". Yeah--when we have someplace to be in the morning, I do get "stupid" over things like that.
3) It was one of those "speaking in tongues, crying and screaming" type of churches that some of the people around here favor.
She's home now.
It is that last bit that makes me so mad. SHE is one of those people with an addictive personality. Take her to something novel like an evangelical church service and the next thing you know, she's seeing Jeebus in the rafters. As it is, she is talking about how cool it was and how everyone was like family to each other and she wanted to go again. Give her a little while to think about it and she will be demanding attendance at church every night and Bible readings constantly. That will go on until she finds something else to fixate on.
Except school... She has developed an almost pathological fear of going anymore and that is spelling trouble with a capital T for me. I am tired of getting phone calls and letters from her school threatening to "take further action" if HER attendance does not pick up. At this point, does it matter? They already indicated that they are going to flunk her anyway.
In other new: since my last entry, SHE decided on her own that she had ruined her hair with the dyes and the extension glue on top of the meds thinning out her hair. Her solution? Cut it all off two days before Christmas! She went nearly bald--maybe a quarter-inch left all around which revealed two really bald spots. So, instead of ruining her own hair with crap, she has a couple of wigs that she has "styled" to match what she did to her own before.
It has grown out a lot in the two months since she cut it and she looks like that girl who plays "Alice" in the new movie (Mia Wasikowska).
The short hair looks adorable on her, but she will not let anyone see it in public. Sooner or later, she is going to have to take off the wigs. One is getting pretty UGGH!!!l
I don't know anymore. My friends tell me I need to make a decision before I fall over from sheer exhaustion and stress. They see how hard it is to deal with all the stuff I have to and still manage to get through a day without a heart attack.
"A hard row" indeed... Know any good "special" boarding schools? Willing to chip in?
1) I don't know the people she went with. She took off with them before I got home from work. I gather there is a girl she was friends with from her previous school. So what? I've not met the girl or her family.
2) She was supposed to be home almost an hour ago. Of course, they are late and I am sure she is telling them that I am being stupid over her "being one second late". Yeah--when we have someplace to be in the morning, I do get "stupid" over things like that.
3) It was one of those "speaking in tongues, crying and screaming" type of churches that some of the people around here favor.
She's home now.
It is that last bit that makes me so mad. SHE is one of those people with an addictive personality. Take her to something novel like an evangelical church service and the next thing you know, she's seeing Jeebus in the rafters. As it is, she is talking about how cool it was and how everyone was like family to each other and she wanted to go again. Give her a little while to think about it and she will be demanding attendance at church every night and Bible readings constantly. That will go on until she finds something else to fixate on.
Except school... She has developed an almost pathological fear of going anymore and that is spelling trouble with a capital T for me. I am tired of getting phone calls and letters from her school threatening to "take further action" if HER attendance does not pick up. At this point, does it matter? They already indicated that they are going to flunk her anyway.
In other new: since my last entry, SHE decided on her own that she had ruined her hair with the dyes and the extension glue on top of the meds thinning out her hair. Her solution? Cut it all off two days before Christmas! She went nearly bald--maybe a quarter-inch left all around which revealed two really bald spots. So, instead of ruining her own hair with crap, she has a couple of wigs that she has "styled" to match what she did to her own before.
It has grown out a lot in the two months since she cut it and she looks like that girl who plays "Alice" in the new movie (Mia Wasikowska).
The short hair looks adorable on her, but she will not let anyone see it in public. Sooner or later, she is going to have to take off the wigs. One is getting pretty UGGH!!!l
I don't know anymore. My friends tell me I need to make a decision before I fall over from sheer exhaustion and stress. They see how hard it is to deal with all the stuff I have to and still manage to get through a day without a heart attack.
"A hard row" indeed... Know any good "special" boarding schools? Willing to chip in?
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