This is insane. She has disappeared to some random kid's house and refuses to answer the phone. This random kid is in the background, encouraging her to be rude and hang up. Who the hell names their daughter "Sinister"? This is the kind of people my mentally ill child thinks are fine to be around instead of kids that go to school, do their homework and otherwise at least try to achieve normalcy.
This is the week I call the hospital, I think. I wanted her to get through the school year (at least passing English so she can go to the 8th grade) and maybe making a good impression with some auditions at the showcase later this month. But it isn't going to happen and I am a fool for ever hoping for anything wonderful to come out of her life.
One thing is quite sure--there will NOT be any puppies brought into this house because I fear for the life of any small creatures she comes in contact with. Not even the semi-wild kittens under the house would be safe. I would almost consider sleeping armed, but I know that is just silly.
18 May 2009
17 May 2009
Another banner week
Hair from rainbow to blond to dookie brown/yellow to black...
Several fights, culminating in a physical altercation yesterday... She got pissed because I wouldn't buy any more hair dye for her (or her "friend" who she claimed promised to pay her back). This resulted in her throwing a fit in the middle of a beauty supply store (where I foolishly stopped to get her a specialty comb--I lost her other one by accident at a park). Even one of the clerks came up and told her to shut up and stop calling me names and slapping at me.
By the time we got home, she had gone into full "Beast" mode, dragging all the junk she had in the living room back into her room and swearing she wanted to stay in there forever. When I started restricting her phone, unplugging the house phone, changing her computer passwords, etc. she came out and trashed my work equipment. Then she went after other things of mine. At that point, I tried to restrain her and she bit me. I tackled her and got her on the ground to stop further damage to either property or person. Unfortunately, she scraped her knee pretty badly and that started another round of yelling and her trying to attack me.
I tried to help her clean the scrape and bandage it, which resulted in her screaming that I can't touch her, that I am abusive and that she wants me to die immediately. This at the same time she keeps saying she has decided she must die at exactly the moment she turns 15. I wonder if the new meds are a factor in this? The Beast does not come out as often on the new stuff, but the appearance and actions when it does is more intense and scary.
I finally just left her to stew in her room until she came out and made the first non-combative (albeit rude as hell) overture. She asked me to type in the passwords for her and then asked for dinner. By the time dinner was ready, "Ella" was visiting and we spent the evening together watching TV and then a movie.
The night before this, she insisted on inviting her latest BFF to come along to a therapy visit--where she immediately started calling me names and insisting I was lying because I am not clearing all my finances with her. Her schit is costing me a lot and, while I do like to get her things when all the bills are paid, she does not want to wait. She is a master of the stealth purchase, sneaking items onto the conveyor belt at the last minute and then creating a scene when I catch her. But I am the liar because I tell her we cannot afford something if I make a purchase that SHE has not approved. Then she went on and on about how I am lying when I tell her I am sick because I still go to work no matter what--this because she wants to stay home from school for the slightest ache. Then, in the middle of the session, she got up and went out to the waiting area to tell her BFF that I was lying to the doctor about her and was trying to get her put away right that moment. Luckily, BFF's sister has similar issues and the poor girl knew that the BS is part of the condition.
Sad thing is--the first thing I told the therapist was how proud I was because she went to school THREE days this past week.
Ten minutes after the session, we were at the park and Beast was gone, replaced by "Kristie". The rest of the evening went OK. Yesterday before the meltdown was OK. She had an acting class which, by all accounts, went fine (other than her agent having a fit over the black hair, Emo makeup and her not being in ballet anymore). Again, reasonably long stretchs for her... If I can get three or four hours in a row, I consider that a long time.
I am not sure who is going to wake up first this morning, though.
Several fights, culminating in a physical altercation yesterday... She got pissed because I wouldn't buy any more hair dye for her (or her "friend" who she claimed promised to pay her back). This resulted in her throwing a fit in the middle of a beauty supply store (where I foolishly stopped to get her a specialty comb--I lost her other one by accident at a park). Even one of the clerks came up and told her to shut up and stop calling me names and slapping at me.
By the time we got home, she had gone into full "Beast" mode, dragging all the junk she had in the living room back into her room and swearing she wanted to stay in there forever. When I started restricting her phone, unplugging the house phone, changing her computer passwords, etc. she came out and trashed my work equipment. Then she went after other things of mine. At that point, I tried to restrain her and she bit me. I tackled her and got her on the ground to stop further damage to either property or person. Unfortunately, she scraped her knee pretty badly and that started another round of yelling and her trying to attack me.
I tried to help her clean the scrape and bandage it, which resulted in her screaming that I can't touch her, that I am abusive and that she wants me to die immediately. This at the same time she keeps saying she has decided she must die at exactly the moment she turns 15. I wonder if the new meds are a factor in this? The Beast does not come out as often on the new stuff, but the appearance and actions when it does is more intense and scary.
I finally just left her to stew in her room until she came out and made the first non-combative (albeit rude as hell) overture. She asked me to type in the passwords for her and then asked for dinner. By the time dinner was ready, "Ella" was visiting and we spent the evening together watching TV and then a movie.
The night before this, she insisted on inviting her latest BFF to come along to a therapy visit--where she immediately started calling me names and insisting I was lying because I am not clearing all my finances with her. Her schit is costing me a lot and, while I do like to get her things when all the bills are paid, she does not want to wait. She is a master of the stealth purchase, sneaking items onto the conveyor belt at the last minute and then creating a scene when I catch her. But I am the liar because I tell her we cannot afford something if I make a purchase that SHE has not approved. Then she went on and on about how I am lying when I tell her I am sick because I still go to work no matter what--this because she wants to stay home from school for the slightest ache. Then, in the middle of the session, she got up and went out to the waiting area to tell her BFF that I was lying to the doctor about her and was trying to get her put away right that moment. Luckily, BFF's sister has similar issues and the poor girl knew that the BS is part of the condition.
Sad thing is--the first thing I told the therapist was how proud I was because she went to school THREE days this past week.
Ten minutes after the session, we were at the park and Beast was gone, replaced by "Kristie". The rest of the evening went OK. Yesterday before the meltdown was OK. She had an acting class which, by all accounts, went fine (other than her agent having a fit over the black hair, Emo makeup and her not being in ballet anymore). Again, reasonably long stretchs for her... If I can get three or four hours in a row, I consider that a long time.
I am not sure who is going to wake up first this morning, though.
07 May 2009
Never say things are OK
No more ballet. She got kicked out for refusing to going to class although we were already there. The owner of the studio told her if she didn't go in, she was done. Well, never offer this one an ultimatum because she will call your bluff. It sucks because she is really good, the teacher loved her when she behaved because she IS so good--but, again, it has to do with that one nasty person in her head that tells her she doesn't have to behave like regular people. I have met that girl and she is a beotch.
Still fighting over meds. Still fighting over hair. Still fighting over clothing--she keeps cutting things up and not just the cheap things. Then she wants me to replace what she ruined.
She keeps inviting herself over to people's houses to spend the night. That is where she is tonight. She goes out and then will not come home, getting her latest hanger-on to let her stay over. Half the time, I don't even get to talk to a parent. But tell her no and she will run...
Tonight's friend is pierced within an inch of her life and is supposedly in the 8th grade. I am terrified that she might come home tomorrow with as many piercings as the misfit she is hanging out with. She swears she wouldn't do that, but she is not always the one in charge of herself.
Why is she SO freakin' easily led? You would not think that with the bi-polar situation, but maybe it is the OCD or something. Maybe the ODD?
Sad thing is that yesterday, she was hanging all over me like she was four years old. I miss the four year old.
Still fighting over meds. Still fighting over hair. Still fighting over clothing--she keeps cutting things up and not just the cheap things. Then she wants me to replace what she ruined.
She keeps inviting herself over to people's houses to spend the night. That is where she is tonight. She goes out and then will not come home, getting her latest hanger-on to let her stay over. Half the time, I don't even get to talk to a parent. But tell her no and she will run...
Tonight's friend is pierced within an inch of her life and is supposedly in the 8th grade. I am terrified that she might come home tomorrow with as many piercings as the misfit she is hanging out with. She swears she wouldn't do that, but she is not always the one in charge of herself.
Why is she SO freakin' easily led? You would not think that with the bi-polar situation, but maybe it is the OCD or something. Maybe the ODD?
Sad thing is that yesterday, she was hanging all over me like she was four years old. I miss the four year old.
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