It's all the same

As usual, the drama continues. This child of mine needs to go somewhere else for a long, LONG time. I cannot deal with it much longer.

For the last several weeks, SHE has been bouncing all over the emotional map, usually on the "wrong" side of that map. Oh, that is except when she is at other people's houses--then she is a perfect little angel and does no wrong for others. Yeah, right... Perfect until she decides they took something of hers or ate her snack or touched her clothes or whatever. Then I get calls demanding I come get her or that someone else does because they don't want her around any more.

SHE is also flunking school again--partially because she is not doing the work and partially because of attendance again. 45 days in the quarter and SHE has missed 23+. Even with straight A's across the board (as if!), the school will flunk her just for not being there. The worst part? SHE doesn't care. Doesn't matter to her that I have received a truancy notice because she "forgot" to turn in the notes or that I could get fined/jail time for her "forgetfulness". It also doesn't matter that, should that happen, I lose my job and we lose the house and everything in it. As long as SHE is happy about it, the problem does not exist.

We are also going through the hair issue big time. The Abilify has caused severe hair loss and so now SHE insists on gluing extensions to bare scalp. Well, that is NOT going to make it grow back and will, in fact, make sure no hair grows in those places ever again. SHE will not wear a wig because of an incident at the school last year when some assish kids pulled the wig off a girl undergoing chemo and played keep-away with it in the middle of the lunch room (no teacher stopped it and the beetches were not disciplined because it was "all in fun"). But SHE is almost BALD!!! I see more scalp than hair, but she sees nothing but her extensions and thinks she looks good.

Also, she has put on ten pounds, which is bad for her frame. I took her for a physical and the doctor did blood work. He now wants her to get MORE work done--in the followup, he muttered something about how the thyroid results could not possibly be correct. I already think that is why she is putting on weight and her hair is falling out--the Abilify is destroying her health.

I was supposed to meet with her shrink this week, but he canceled the appointment at the last minute and now it will be almost two weeks before I can get him to do something concerning the meds. Meanwhile, if she has any problems making her head look presentable, she will not go to school. It is too late for home schooling this semester and I don't trust her to do it next semester. So...?

Right now, I am looking at a living room full of her crap, dragged out of her room in an effort to clean. Yes, you can see HER floor, but now I cannot maneuver anywhere else. She got insane with hair dye last night trying to make fake dreadlocks and there is now pink hair dye all over the bath stall, the sink, the floor, the toilet seat cover and every towel that was in there. It is also all over my sheets. When I took pictures of the mess, SHE attacked me and then had the nerve to get angry because I hit back.

And, the poop cherry on the crap cake? She, without asking me, invited one of her stray-dog friends to spend the rest of the weekend with us because her mom's boyfriend/roommate/whatever doesn't like her around. The girl's MOM told her to find somewhere to stay for the weekend and, of course, SHE volunteered our house--the one covered in her crap from one end to the other. We are also low on food, yet I am expected to feed this other kid. Even better? SHE has told the girl we are going to bring her along to the therapist appointment tonight. That means feeding both of them afterward. So, knowing the money situation, it means I do without. I gather I have already been "volunteered" to take them to the mall to hang out tomorrow. I don't even want this girl in my house to begin with. But SHE will not take "no" for an answer and I am not in the mood to be killed in my sleep over it.

This week, I had to put in some night shifts. Every night, SHE called with a crisis that meant I had to leave the crew I asked for to begin with doing the work while I went home to deal with whatever bull she cooked up. My boss pointed out that it was becoming an issue and that they were going to start documenting every incident where I had to leave because of an issue with HER. Then it would become disciplinary actions, followed by suspensions and finally dismissal. I just need to get through 2011 to keep my insurance for HER because she will never get coverage on her own. It is the only benefit worth sticking around for and she is doing her best to make sure I lose it. That's because it is something of mine SHE cannot steal, as she does so many other things (money, my laptop, electronics, health).

My metabolism is shot as it is, so not eating properly is putting me at risk for diabetes and other issues. My weight is at an all-time high because my body is hoarding calories. But, again, that matters not to HER because she knows she will get food (even as she tells anyone who listens that I "starve her to death"). Of course, when I drop dead from a stress heart attack, SHE thinks she is getting it all. Nope. Goes to a trust and she won't get a dime in principle--ever.