SHE finally called me to get her at almost noon today. She looked like she had been sleeping under a bridge. Come to find out, that was pretty close. The mother of the girl she was supposed to be spending the night at had no clue and kicked everyone out of the house last night around 11 PM. Instead of calling me to come get her, SHE (along with Danya, I suspect) decided that she was going to stick around with her so-called nasty-ass friends and sleep on her friend's front stoop because she wanted to spend the night outside.
At least I got a dose of meds into her when I brought her and a friend (see below) back to the house. SHE has been skipping her regular dosages and it is showing in the worst way possible. SHE does not understand that she is making worse and worse choices for herself. I am just happy she was not committed to the fashion show today. One look at her current condition and she would have been laughed out of the building.
SHE has also started back to hanging out with that loser girl who is in foster care (FCG). One day with her and SHE is hunting for the pink hair dye again--literally. I have it hidden and SHE is NOT going to have access to it any time soon. Getting it out the last time almost rendered her bald. This time, she would end up bald with no chance of it ever growing back. But those things are crowded out by the chorus telling her that it would make her cooler and that it would come out so easy if she does it different this time.
FCG also convinced her that it would be OK to take Sharpies and draw all over the bedroom door. "You can just buy a new door, 'K?" I guess SHE hasn't noticed that her little pal is going to hell as she exists now and doesn't seem to have any compunction about dragging her friends down with her.
The foster parents don't even know where FCG is, I'll bet. I've met the people. I believe they are in it for the checks and not because they want to help. Of course, we are talking about a system where a white teenage girl was placed with old Black people. Nothing racist here, but they have ZERO clue about what to do with this kid, so they are letting her roam the streets much the same as her real parents did.
SHE doesn't call by 6 PM, at 6:01, I call the cops to pick her up. Maybe not, but you know... The urgency of this...this problem is always poking me in the back to make good my threats to do so.
13 June 2009
12 June 2009
I am SO tired of this
SHE has decided not to come home again tonight. No meds (which I KNOW she is skipping when she goes to her friends' homes overnight), no change of clothes, other people's stuff... I am seriously contemplating going over to the place she says she is going to be and drag her out. But what good would it do? Do I tell every single parent of every one of her friends that my kid has mental disorders and *might* be dangerous?
I changed the passwords again on her MySpace accounts because I am tired of this. I am about to lock her phone again so the only texts/calls she can get would be from me.
I am so sick of her talking to me like I am a freakin' menial. I am also sick of her thinking that SHE is in charge of everything. I am sick of trying to deal with ten different people with the same face.
I got six of them today and, at times, it seemed like they were coming at me as if on a merry-go-round--one after the other in a rapid circle. I at least got Abby for a little while. For a few brief moments, I had my sweet little girl who loves me and respects me. Then Beast took over and that was it. Cussing me out, calling me names, hanging up the phone non-stop...
This may be the breaking point that decides the trip to the hospital. Only--I can't reach a single doctor on the weekend to pre-cert the stay. It will involve both insurances, so that is going to be a big problem. Insurance A will allow the psychologist to cert, but not Insurance B--it requires the psychiatrist to do the papers. Trying to get the latter to do paperwork is like pulling freaking hens' teeth. Trying to REACH him is like looking for hens' teeth in the first place. That is what is holding up the IEP at the school and many other things--the shrink is never around to sign forms.
The other day, when SHE wandered off, she swears some guy tried to get her in his car. SHE got away that time, but what about the next? SHE thinks I would be happy to see her gone, but that is so far from the truth. I just want her to be stable enough to function fully in society and not on the fringes, which is kind of where she is now. Unfortunately, many of her friends are just as mental as she is and so that fringe life DOES look "normal" to her.
I am so tempted to take any job offered me to get her out of this place before she ends up on 4th Street with someone beating her up for not making her quota... That is what happened to someone I know who was just like my child and it scares the death out of me.
As for my health--I went to work sick because I can't just wonder off at random like some people. I have to make sure there is a roof over our heads, food in the bowls and sanitary facilities. That last is a joke because Danya throws everything on the floor, being too good to deal with trash cans. That is what the maid (me) is for. I hate Danya.
My work IS being affected because SHE calls me non-stop from the time she wakes up and picks fights with me. She wants me to take her all over town on my 30-minute lunch period, come home to open a can of vegetables or to tell her where SHE lost one of her things in the trash heaps SHE has created. I have just about given up keeping the house presentable because Beast will throw things all over the place to find an eyeliner. God forbid any of the crew puts anything back in its proper place (though Abby may occasionally hang up a towel).
The latest favorite thing of the Beast is to hit or kick my breasts because someone told her that doing so would cause cancer. I have already had problems with cysts and lesions, so I guess that one will get her wish re causing more problems. Thing is, none of them have figured out that killing me means SHE will be institutionalized as no one in the family wants to deal with any of her issues.
I changed the passwords again on her MySpace accounts because I am tired of this. I am about to lock her phone again so the only texts/calls she can get would be from me.
I am so sick of her talking to me like I am a freakin' menial. I am also sick of her thinking that SHE is in charge of everything. I am sick of trying to deal with ten different people with the same face.
I got six of them today and, at times, it seemed like they were coming at me as if on a merry-go-round--one after the other in a rapid circle. I at least got Abby for a little while. For a few brief moments, I had my sweet little girl who loves me and respects me. Then Beast took over and that was it. Cussing me out, calling me names, hanging up the phone non-stop...
This may be the breaking point that decides the trip to the hospital. Only--I can't reach a single doctor on the weekend to pre-cert the stay. It will involve both insurances, so that is going to be a big problem. Insurance A will allow the psychologist to cert, but not Insurance B--it requires the psychiatrist to do the papers. Trying to get the latter to do paperwork is like pulling freaking hens' teeth. Trying to REACH him is like looking for hens' teeth in the first place. That is what is holding up the IEP at the school and many other things--the shrink is never around to sign forms.
The other day, when SHE wandered off, she swears some guy tried to get her in his car. SHE got away that time, but what about the next? SHE thinks I would be happy to see her gone, but that is so far from the truth. I just want her to be stable enough to function fully in society and not on the fringes, which is kind of where she is now. Unfortunately, many of her friends are just as mental as she is and so that fringe life DOES look "normal" to her.
I am so tempted to take any job offered me to get her out of this place before she ends up on 4th Street with someone beating her up for not making her quota... That is what happened to someone I know who was just like my child and it scares the death out of me.
As for my health--I went to work sick because I can't just wonder off at random like some people. I have to make sure there is a roof over our heads, food in the bowls and sanitary facilities. That last is a joke because Danya throws everything on the floor, being too good to deal with trash cans. That is what the maid (me) is for. I hate Danya.
My work IS being affected because SHE calls me non-stop from the time she wakes up and picks fights with me. She wants me to take her all over town on my 30-minute lunch period, come home to open a can of vegetables or to tell her where SHE lost one of her things in the trash heaps SHE has created. I have just about given up keeping the house presentable because Beast will throw things all over the place to find an eyeliner. God forbid any of the crew puts anything back in its proper place (though Abby may occasionally hang up a towel).
The latest favorite thing of the Beast is to hit or kick my breasts because someone told her that doing so would cause cancer. I have already had problems with cysts and lesions, so I guess that one will get her wish re causing more problems. Thing is, none of them have figured out that killing me means SHE will be institutionalized as no one in the family wants to deal with any of her issues.
11 June 2009
This has got to stop!!
Just about every night this week, SHE has wandered off to someone's house to stay the night. I do not know what she is looking for at those other places, but she is not finding it. Two days this week she has skipped her meds (claiming to have forgotten), each time resulting in the Beast waking up.
We came to blows Monday night because she lost her mind over a misunderstood request about t-shirt designs. SHE swung a wooden craft box at me and (sad to say) I hit her near her eye. SHE then tried to scratch my right eye out. I have a slight tear on the cornea and have been seeing fuzzy all week. But that matters not to her. It is all good if it hurts ME.
To make matters worse, her BFF's mother is very New Age and is trying to "help" her with meditation and crystals. This woman means well, but she does not "get" that what SHE has is different than what the BBF's sister has. I am tired of having to constantly explain to people that they cannot indulge my daughter's outrageous antics or encourage her to express her feelings the way SHE wants to. That only results in a display of verbal sewage worthy of the Diceman.
It makes it so hard to talk about the good things she has achieved these last few weeks. SHE managed to squeak by with a D in English, so she does get to go to the 8th grade if she takes Math in summer school. It won't happen because she won't stay around the house to go. She's also picked up a new art skill--making resin jewelry. Expensive hobby for me to deal with, but she is doing something besides playing on MySpace, eating or wandering the streets.
In fact, her street wandering almost got her in a lot of trouble. SHE claims someone saw her wandering around when she locked herself out of the house and tried to convince her to get in his car. The story she tells is that, when he went to reach for her, she grabbed her hairspray out of her tote bag and sprayed him in the eyes, then ran. No description of guy or car, of course. IF it happened, good for her for having quick reflexes. But that should have told her that people are NOT nice and they DO try to snatch up girls even in broad daylight. Nope. She is at her friend's house again and she plans to walk home by herself in the morning when she wakes up. I really am afraid I will get a call to come ID her body one day soon because SHE thinks she is invincible when Beast and Danya take over.
We came to blows Monday night because she lost her mind over a misunderstood request about t-shirt designs. SHE swung a wooden craft box at me and (sad to say) I hit her near her eye. SHE then tried to scratch my right eye out. I have a slight tear on the cornea and have been seeing fuzzy all week. But that matters not to her. It is all good if it hurts ME.
To make matters worse, her BFF's mother is very New Age and is trying to "help" her with meditation and crystals. This woman means well, but she does not "get" that what SHE has is different than what the BBF's sister has. I am tired of having to constantly explain to people that they cannot indulge my daughter's outrageous antics or encourage her to express her feelings the way SHE wants to. That only results in a display of verbal sewage worthy of the Diceman.
It makes it so hard to talk about the good things she has achieved these last few weeks. SHE managed to squeak by with a D in English, so she does get to go to the 8th grade if she takes Math in summer school. It won't happen because she won't stay around the house to go. She's also picked up a new art skill--making resin jewelry. Expensive hobby for me to deal with, but she is doing something besides playing on MySpace, eating or wandering the streets.
In fact, her street wandering almost got her in a lot of trouble. SHE claims someone saw her wandering around when she locked herself out of the house and tried to convince her to get in his car. The story she tells is that, when he went to reach for her, she grabbed her hairspray out of her tote bag and sprayed him in the eyes, then ran. No description of guy or car, of course. IF it happened, good for her for having quick reflexes. But that should have told her that people are NOT nice and they DO try to snatch up girls even in broad daylight. Nope. She is at her friend's house again and she plans to walk home by herself in the morning when she wakes up. I really am afraid I will get a call to come ID her body one day soon because SHE thinks she is invincible when Beast and Danya take over.
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