I am SO tired of this

SHE has decided not to come home again tonight. No meds (which I KNOW she is skipping when she goes to her friends' homes overnight), no change of clothes, other people's stuff... I am seriously contemplating going over to the place she says she is going to be and drag her out. But what good would it do? Do I tell every single parent of every one of her friends that my kid has mental disorders and *might* be dangerous?

I changed the passwords again on her MySpace accounts because I am tired of this. I am about to lock her phone again so the only texts/calls she can get would be from me.

I am so sick of her talking to me like I am a freakin' menial. I am also sick of her thinking that SHE is in charge of everything. I am sick of trying to deal with ten different people with the same face.

I got six of them today and, at times, it seemed like they were coming at me as if on a merry-go-round--one after the other in a rapid circle. I at least got Abby for a little while. For a few brief moments, I had my sweet little girl who loves me and respects me. Then Beast took over and that was it. Cussing me out, calling me names, hanging up the phone non-stop...

This may be the breaking point that decides the trip to the hospital. Only--I can't reach a single doctor on the weekend to pre-cert the stay. It will involve both insurances, so that is going to be a big problem. Insurance A will allow the psychologist to cert, but not Insurance B--it requires the psychiatrist to do the papers. Trying to get the latter to do paperwork is like pulling freaking hens' teeth. Trying to REACH him is like looking for hens' teeth in the first place. That is what is holding up the IEP at the school and many other things--the shrink is never around to sign forms.

The other day, when SHE wandered off, she swears some guy tried to get her in his car. SHE got away that time, but what about the next? SHE thinks I would be happy to see her gone, but that is so far from the truth. I just want her to be stable enough to function fully in society and not on the fringes, which is kind of where she is now. Unfortunately, many of her friends are just as mental as she is and so that fringe life DOES look "normal" to her.

I am so tempted to take any job offered me to get her out of this place before she ends up on 4th Street with someone beating her up for not making her quota... That is what happened to someone I know who was just like my child and it scares the death out of me.

As for my health--I went to work sick because I can't just wonder off at random like some people. I have to make sure there is a roof over our heads, food in the bowls and sanitary facilities. That last is a joke because Danya throws everything on the floor, being too good to deal with trash cans. That is what the maid (me) is for. I hate Danya.

My work IS being affected because SHE calls me non-stop from the time she wakes up and picks fights with me. She wants me to take her all over town on my 30-minute lunch period, come home to open a can of vegetables or to tell her where SHE lost one of her things in the trash heaps SHE has created. I have just about given up keeping the house presentable because Beast will throw things all over the place to find an eyeliner. God forbid any of the crew puts anything back in its proper place (though Abby may occasionally hang up a towel).

The latest favorite thing of the Beast is to hit or kick my breasts because someone told her that doing so would cause cancer. I have already had problems with cysts and lesions, so I guess that one will get her wish re causing more problems. Thing is, none of them have figured out that killing me means SHE will be institutionalized as no one in the family wants to deal with any of her issues.