The mouth is still foul and there is still a definite lack of personal responsibility. It is NEVER her fault and I am ALWAYS the villain. The narcissism is still in full force, as is the "I'm omnipotent!" attitude.
The biggest fight this week is (again) money:She accuses me all the time of lying when I tell her the bills have to be paid first before we spend money for "fun"--"You just don't want to spend money on ME!!" So I am always fighting a battle with a CHILD over going to the mall to buy random crap she doesn't need so she will feel "loved". We all know that getting a truckload of money spent on us is the ONLY way that love can be proven, right?
Spring break is almost over, none of what I hoped we'd accomplish got done and she is already making noises about not wanting to go back to school just yet. On the other hand, she missed the Spring dance and a cool field trip with her friends, so that might be incentive to go anyway. It is almost an exercise in futility because she has already flunked this year. I cannot afford summer school, so she is going to have to repeat it and fall further behind. She already lost her work permit, so no chances of getting any acting work, either.
She had her new portfolio pictures taken last week anyway (just in case). I look at that heartbreakingly gorgeous face, her wonderful looks in general and the way she shines in front of a camera and I cannot help but wonder who I am looking at in that moment. And, yes--there IS more than one person in there. More on that another time...
I managed to save ballet for at least this year. She (mostly) behaved herself in the last class just before spring break, showed that she could learn the choreography properly and didn't pout. So she gets another chance. Hopefully, she won't screw it up.
Yet, no matter what I do behind the scenes to try to help her, I am still the meanie. I feel like this
most of the time.
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