Too exhausted to care

The last four months have been nothing but more of the same.

She has lost the wigs finally, but is still dying her hair non-stop so the damage she had last year is back with the new growth.

She flunked 8th grade and actually THREW the CRTs on purpose because she was "bored" and didn't want to take the tests. Despite that, she is going to be transferred to the high school program. WTF is with that? The schools are closed in July so I can't even call for details.

Still abusive, still obscene, still destroying everything in sight when she doesn't get her way... The latest target when she get angry is the refrigerator--she has ripped some of the rails out of the doors. She also randomly destroys art work she's created for me in the past.

She keeps inviting strangers to our house (also trashed by her to an almost unlivable condition) after as little as five minutes' contact at the mall. These people consume a week's worth of food in a few hours, trash my yard with empty soda cans, cigarette butts and other trash. They also bring drugs to my house.

You see, she has been introduced to Ecstacy. Despite the very real problem with a possible interaction with her medications, she insists that it is OK because some raver blog said it was fine. To make it worse, if I give her spending money for other things and she uses it for drugs, she tells people I paid for it!!!

That is what she tells people about the ugly-ass "angel bite" piercings she decided to get illegally (a friend who does piercings for a living did them without my written consent or presence). The convoluted reasoning is that, since I gave her some money for the mall, I specifically paid for her to get holes in her lip. Now one is infected and I cannot get a doctor's appointment to get a broken post out of one hole that closed up on her. It will end up needed a surgeon to remove it, so more money I don't have. But, you see, it is MY fault because I "paid for" it.

Yes, she still physically attacks me and then again says it is my fault because I "made [her] mad". Seriously! Even her anger is someone else's fault. There is NO personal responsibility in that twisted mind of hers.

I talked to an intake person at the local inpatient care facility and she said I need to lock this child up immediately. I fired her original psychiatrist and the first appointment with the new one is today. I am waiting to see what she says, but telling me to keep positive had better NOT be all. Meds need to be changed--the inpatient center lady was really pissed to hear that the ONE medication she takes is it. According to her, there should be a cocktail of that medication PLUS at least one other for it to be truly effective.

So the child has been UNDER-MEDICATED for an entire year. I told her previous shrink what she was on was not enough. He was such an asshat! Instead of concentrating on the conditions, he was jumping on the girl for her clothes (sometimes VERY bizarre) and telling me I should lock her up or send her to some sort of boot camp. In any case, he didn't want to treat her any more--just write her prescriptions for the current meds. He apparently has a bad reputation because, when I mentioned his name to the intake person, she rolled her eyes and suggested finding someone else fast.

Meanwhile, I exist on less than five hours of sleep a night. I am tired all the time, stressed because I am scared of what she does when I am asleep (like inviting people into the house at 3 AM), having work issues because of the outside problems. I am on the brink of bankruptcy because she gets into the money (you don't want to know how many times I have changed PINs and passwords. I lost a transfer offered to me specifically on the side because they know how much I need to get her out of this toxic city, again due to the problems she causes.

Will I end up committing her for a while? Probably. That will definitely put me into bankruptcy, but she needs the help I can no longer give her.